do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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