Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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