Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
