I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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