You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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