i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.