so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?