If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.