how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
