But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
