no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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