i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
