Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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