tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize