I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
