What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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