Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
