Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
