I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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