everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
