i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's always time for handjobs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
