Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
