Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I puked a lego.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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