Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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