Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
