based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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