false alarm. still invincible.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
