how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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