While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
