I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
