i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize