did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
