Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
