I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
