i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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