i think my tv is drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
