Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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