Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
