i think i have herpe
just one?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
