I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
