It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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