census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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