There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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