i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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