oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
