The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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