in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
