living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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