Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
