Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
