You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
