I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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