summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
