you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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