Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
