I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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