don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
