So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
