using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
