fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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