if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
