Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
