Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
