Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
