He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
