she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
