I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
