you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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