My first STD was from a foam party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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