What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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