I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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