i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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