and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
