Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
