He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
