Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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