I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
