"it" just moved
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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