So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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